Fuel Prices - Do I Have to Become a Prostitute to Pay for Gas?

After a brief hiatus of not giving a fuck, I am back and ready to provide the world with the automotive content that it craves and deserves. Along with my senior news correspondent, Yuri Bonergarden, there is nothing that will stand in our way of providing car enthusiasts their daily medicine; so get ready.

I cannot fathom a more meaningful way of resuming my role than to bitch about today's gas prices, so that's exactly what I'll be doing! If you don`t like a man speakin`the trufs, please leave now.

Hopefully you guys and gals aren't surprised to learn that I've never worked at a gas station (because let's face it - only retards and immigrants work at gas stations), but our senior news correspondent, Yuri Bonergarden, has obtained some interesting information about this industry, and has been kind enough to share:

1. Most gas stations set their prices not according to how much it costs them to replace the fuel, but in correlation with their closest competitors in the area

2. If one station ups their price per gallon, the rest will follow suit and vice-versa. That's because station owners typically only make two or three cents on every gallon of gasoline sold. Instead, they make their money off of the snacks and drinks inside.

So kids, if there's one thing to take from this lesson, it's that gas stations don't have much control over the price of their fuel, but they really jew you over (pardon my political incorrectness) on the food inside the store.

Hopefully you are all as fortunate as myself, and had the foresight to purchase a fuel-efficient vehicle. If not, and you are among the portion of the population who eats through their stress, DO NOT, I repeat: DO NOT, purchase your food from the gas stations. Why? 'Cause fuck 'em, that's why.

In all seriousness, however, the gas prices aren't going down anytime soon. If you're rich and don't care, I commend you on your success - but for the rest of us, public transit is becoming a more feasible option for daily commuting.

If you are planning on taking public transit to and from work, I must insist that you continue reading. People on buses staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnk, and you're going to want to get drunk before riding the bus to lower your olfactory sensitivity. Also, remember to bring your mp3 player because people on the bus tend to jibber-jabber, and it's very annoying. Last but not least, I feel inclined to recommend that bring your bike so you can minimize your time on the bus.

Obviously I'm not going to bother discussing specific gas prices, but you can check gasbuddy.com if you want to find the cheapest gas near you.

We at Das Auto! are interested in hearing how the current gas prices are affecting you! You won't win anything, but you will temporarily satisfy Yuri Bonergarden's curiosity! Have at 'er in the comments.

How Hard Does Your Suspension Have To Work?

The short answer is that it has to work pretty goddamn hard to keep your vehicle straight, and keep you comfortable during the ride.

Our Senior News Correspondent, Yuri Bonergarden, was directed to the below video where a smart gentleman has attached a camera to his Mazda Miata to capture the suspension travel over a short distance. This resulted in some pretty awesome footage, and I recommend watching it even if you don't own a car or give a shit what I'm talking about.



So even though your ride may still feel bumpy, or your suspension may be tuned stiff, you now have a general idea of how much vibration your suspension is absorbing. The suspension in the video was aftermarket sport suspension, meaning that it was designed for handling and actually absorbs less vibration than what you would get on a stock vehicle designed for comfort.

While I'm on the subject, if you're thinking about purchasing some coilovers for your vehicle, I highly recommend K-Sports. They'll cost you a pretty penny, but I threw a set of fully-adjustables on my 1992 VW Jetta GTX a couple years ago, and I have no regrets. They perform great, and I can raise my vehicle easily in the winter. This is a subject that I've researched extensively, so if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask in the comments section.

FBI Sued for Crashing Ferrari

Catchy title, right? Well it's true, the FBI is being sued by a Detroit insurer after an agent crashed a $750,000 Ferrari F50 into a tree! The lawsuit alleges that he dun goofed, real bad.

As for the Ferrari itself, it began its life in a dealership in Pennsylvania where it was stolen in September of 2003. The dealer submitted a claim for the stolen vehicle to their insurance company, who paid them their claim. Five years later in 2008, the vehicle was found in Kentucky and was held by the FBI as they investigated the case.

While in FBI possession, two mechanically-retarded special agents decided to take it for a drive. The Ferrari vehicle "fishtailed and slid sideways" within only a few seconds of leaving the warehouse where the vehicle was being stored," according to the lawsuit. Some people just can't handle a supercar, apparently.

After the crash, the insurer submitted a claim to the FBI for the cost of the Ferrari, and was denied on two separate occasions, hence the lawsuit.

source: detnews.com

330km/h Speed Record Set - On Ice!

Off the coast of Finland, on the frozen Baltic Sea, a pretty amazing feat has taken place recently. No, I'm not talking about ice fishermen having inappropriate relations with a whale; I'm talking about the new ice-speed record being set by Juha Kankkunen, a four-time world rally champion.

The supercar he was driving was the world's fastest convertible - the Bentley Continental GT - and as the title of this post suggests, 330km/h is the record that was set. 

As you might assume, certain necessary modifcations were done to the Bentley to make it suitable for the freezing conditions, which dipped as low as -30C. These included installing Pirelli winter tires, a rear parachute, and a roll-cage.

Only 4.8 km was needed before hitting the record speed on the 16.5 km course. A representative with Guiness World Records was on hand to verify the achievement.

For those interested in seeing the video, (which I think is pretty goddamn awesome) here it is:

Rearview Advertising - Nissan's New Approach to Marketing their GT-R

It seems automotive companies are slowly beginning to realize that traditional advertising aggravates consumers and makes them feel stupid. If someone is genuinely interested in learning about a new car, they'll go online and do research - and it doesn't matter to them if someone (not to mention any names...*cough* Eminem) is driving a car in a commercial. A while back, I did a post about BMW's flash projection publicity stunt, and now Nissan is doing something interesting as well.

I'll let the video do the bulk of the explaining, but a couple ladies in a Nissan GT-R went driving around and slapping a film on Porsche owner's windshields to make it look like they're behind a GT-R. It looks like they're capitalizing off their Nürburgring lap time, which was faster than Porsche's.


Some people think that Nissan's actions border on vandalism, but I think it's clever marketing. Thoughts?

Insurance Company Forced to Pay Man for Marijuana

Whenever insurance companies are forced to court-ordered to pay out their policies, it is a victory for the consumer. However, one case specifically caught my eye the other day because of the judge's unique decision. Quebec’s auto insurance protection agency has been ordered to pay $5,000 to a man so that he can grow and smoke marijuana in his home, for medicinal reasons of course.

The man had initially requested insurance coverage for medicinal marijuana for his back spasms, claiming that traditional medicine didn't work, but he was obviously denied. He apparently used to smoke weed illegally, and was arrested and charged on numerous occasions for doing so.

The man (whose name wasn't included on the news report) appealed his case to tribunal officials in Quebec, and it was decided by two judges that the proper steps must be taken for rehabilitation for the car crash victim. This means that $5,000 must be paid for a hydroponic greenhouse in the man’s home, as well as covering water, electricity, plants and soil expenses.

I came up with this complicated algorithm for how this man achieved this court victory:

Now, of course the man had to prove with doctor testimony that prescribed pharmaceutical drugs didn't work to relieve his pain, but hopefully this sets some type of precedent for people who can benefit from cannabis... such as Das Auto!'s Senior News Correspondent, Yuri Bonergarden:

Would You Buy a Car if a Sumo Wrestler has Sat on it?

For the competent consumer, the answer to this question doesn't require any consideration.

But for one gentleman on a local (Vancouver) Subaru forum, he found out after purchasing his new Subaru Forester that the vehicle had been used in a commercial - one which included having a Sumo Wrestler sprawled out on the hood.

Here is his original post quoted from Subaruforester.org:

So I picked up my new 2011 Subaru Forester last weekend. Drove it home, parked in the sun to get a good look, and much to my dismay, noticed small imperfections in the hood... as if someone placed something heavy on the hood. Not really dents... just areas where the light reflections show up shallow imperfections.
At first I wasn't going to complain, thinking "it's not noticeable unless you really look..." but every time I looked
Drove back to the dealer (Don Docksteader in Vancouver), and they said "no problem, we will take care of that for you... must have happened when we shot the latest Sumo Wrestler Add!! Google "Sexy Sumo 2011 Forester"
At the end of the add, you can see a bunch of Sumo Wrestlers lounging on Forester hoods outside the dealership.... I guess this is where the damage happened.
Tomorrow the manager is supposed to phone me, and I am wondering what I should ask for:
1. replace with a new Forester that hasn't been sat on by a huge Japanese man. I can guess that would be a difficult discussion.
2. replace the hood with a new Factory painted hood... not sure this is even possible?
3. repair the hood and re-paint it... I am really not in favor of this option, but that is likely what the dealer will offer. Kind of like paying full price for a new car after it has been in an accident and repaired.
4. ask for money back to compensate for the damage.
Any thoughts / suggestions?
I guess the only good thing is knowing the Forester can actually take the weight of a Sumo Wrestler without too much damage... I would have thought sitting on the hood of a new vehicle these days would have definitely left a large impression.  

Here is the ad that he is referring to in his post:

Now although instances of this magnitude would be few and far between, it just goes to show you that even if you purchase your vehicle brand new, from the dealership, you still don't know exactly what they've done with it before selling it to you.

I think it was fairly irresponsible of this dealership to sell the Forrester to this guy without properly inspecting it after the commercial was filmed, because surely they could have anticipated that SOME damage might occur. However, this just perpetrates my theory that you should never buy a car from a dealership.